


if you

by softsuns



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/F, a sad one, im not sure if there's a happy ending?? but, once again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-07
Updated: 2017-11-07
Packaged: 2019-01-30 18:02:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12658629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softsuns/pseuds/softsuns
Summary: sana is losing herself but dahyun has nothing less than hope.





	if you

Minatozaki Sana was a fucking coward. That was the only word that came into her mind. That's the only label she could come up for herself in this current moment because she was losing her entire world and she was doing nothing to prevent it.

Bright eyes, soft smile. That's what she was losing. She was losing her biggest love. A smaller girl with her heart of honey. A heart that made her fall more and more in love.

But Sana wasn't honey. She had no bright eyes and no soft smile. She was cold, oh so cold. Sana's body was nothing more than bones. She was empty.

The twenty-year-old realized that Dahyun has had enough. It was October nineteen, two in the morning with fifteen seconds sharp. She was shoving her things in an old suitcase. Her bright eyes now tired. Her hope had been drained dry.

Dahyun was grabbing everything that could possibly be hers. After two years of living together, it was hard to decipher what was hers and what wasn't. She was doing a horrible job, grabbing Sana's scarfs and sweaters. But Sana wouldn't say anything. She couldn't. She only watched with a blank expression on her face. Her lover had forgotten what her love felt like.

Kim Dahyun was possibly the only light she's ever been able to call hers. A figment of happiness in Sana's daily life. She needed her more than Dahyun needed her. Yet she wouldn't beg for her to stay. Dahyun deserved better.

She loved Dahyun more than life itself. There was no lie about that. She loved her more than singing, more than her job, more than her entire fucking family-- She was everything she needed. God, she was a fucking idiot. She knew that tonight wouldn't be easy. Saying goodbye.

Her eyes held no emotions. Eyes that Dahyun would compare to broken fragments of the sky in her poetry, they were gone. Sana could easily remember the nights where they'd sneak off to their roof. When Dahyun would whisper sweet nothings in her ears, nothings full of adoration and beautiful, beautiful love.

Dahyun couldn't handle it anymore. She couldn't handle living like this. Sana looked so blank, so unhappy, her depression had ate her whole and she couldn't stand to watch anymore. It felt like she was living with her enemy instead of the love of her life. Sana would disregard her feelings, argue with strangers and drink like crazy. They'd argue in public, behind closed doors and it always ended the same. Dahyun sobbing and begging Sana to stop. She wanted her back.

Sana felt her anger and disbelief bloom in her chest. But also the love and understanding. She knew Dahyun love her but that she couldn't handle their toxic relationship. Not anymore.

Sana hated herself so much. She knew she had changed. She knew she wasn't herself and that everybody knew it. Her healthy brown hair was replaced by flaky blonde. She looked tired. Her usual ponytail was replaced by a messy bun. Dahyun couldn't look her in the eye anymore.

"I was a fool to think you'd beg me to stay." Dahyun opened up, a bitter laugh followed. Messy tears streamed down her face and she didn't try to hide the pain in her voice. She was falling apart and she wanted Sana to remember it. She wanted her to hate herself, to break herself bone to bone. But that wasn't true. Dahyun wanted to love away the troubles.

"..."

"Do I really mean so little to you, Sana?" Dahyun asked, looking at her with soft eyes and hope. That hope that seemed to appear for a glimpse. She knew that the second their gazes fixed together, she'd break down and she'd tell Dahyun everything. She'd tell Dahyun about the emptiness, how desperate she felt and how she just wanted help. She needed help.

"..."

"Please, please.... talk to me Sana. I'm going home soon, you won't... see me again. I promise. Just please... Just please--" Dahyun muttered like a mantra before exploding, hands going to her hair as she yelled, "Just talk to me, damn it!" It was a plea.

"Stop yelling at me!" Sana exploded, trying her best not to cry. She didn't know what to do. She wanted her to stay. She wanted Dahyun to help.

"NO! i'm tired-- i'm so tired. I deserve an explanation. What happened, what's happening? Baby... we can fix this." Dahyun begged and Sana's heart was slowly breaking. She could feel time ticking and she didn't know what to do.

"I'm okay," She stumbled and Dahyun didn't let her finish. She wouldn't.

"Where's the woman I love?"

"I...I don't know." Sana whispered. It was quiet but she heard it. Sana knows that. She saw how her eyes widened and how she looked at her.

"You're not okay, Sana... please. Let me help." Dahyun begged once again and Sana closed up again. The aggresion venting inside of her and she tsked.

"I don't need your help. I dont need you at all." Sana broke through. Her own words echoed through her head and she couldn't handle how harsh it sounded. It was echoeing in her head.

Dahyun's heart was shattered. And the demon inside Sana was pleased-- But she was ripped in half. She studied her. Her lips in a thin line, eyes hollow and the hope in her eyes was gone. A match caught in the wind, spark turned off.

Sana could hear the heartbeat in her chest and the silence on the pads on her feet. The reminder that she was alive and not actually dead.

Yet it didn't feel like that.

Dahyun, she wanted to say. She wanted to beg for her to stay. Because god, she loved her more than anything. But she didn't.

She watched her zipping her luggage shut. Sana couldn't help but notice how empty it looked. This entire process felt wrong, horribly wrong. The tiny bears that Dahyun had collected throughout their three years together were stuffed coldl in the pack. Sana could see it's tiny hand sticking out. She stood there blankly, staring at Dahyun. Sana noticed how she sobbed.

"I... I know you don't mean that. But I'm leaving for tonight. I know you don't care. But think about this. I want you to be happy. I want to help you, Sana. Goodbye." Dahyun hiccuped, tears streaming as she pulled her bags with her.

She didn't even hesitate to check if the girl had crossed the road properly. She couldn't do anything else than lose herself. 


End file.
